Well, today I of course switched my homepage's front page calendar to August. And I've actually gotten September's page ready... already! So that's nice. I also started working on my idea of changing the format of my calendar pages, putting them in a table to look more like a real calendar. which is nice except I couldn't possibly put the info for each day in a little square, so my plan was to have in each square only the actual date, which would be a link that opened a new javascript window with the info in it. Which would be annoying enough for me just because it'd mean I'd have to have a whole document for every day that had any info I wanted to convey. That's just too damn many pages to make. But I could do it. It's also a bunch of extra javascript to put in the table itself, the same bit repeated over and over for every day i want to link to a new document. But I could do it. I'd also want to focus the new window, to open in the foreground. I'm not sure I can figure out how to do that. Well, I bet I could if I studied hard enough. I've been studying at Webmonkey, which is loads of help for some things, but for others... I just don't get what the heck it's saying, because I do what it looks like it's saying, and it doesn't work. Fine, I could try some more, maybe check other sites that might be worded properly to get through my thick skull. Whatever. here's what I can't do: get rid of the damn "search companion" that opens every time you open any of my pages. And I totally need to be able to prevent that. The only way I think I might be able to do it (and I'm not sure about this) is to actually pay for my website, which at the moment I can't quite afford. Maybe someday, though. So... for now, I think I won't bother changing my calendar's format. It's fine the way it is. Really.

I finally saw Spider-Man 2 today. That rocked. It's the kind of thing that makes me want to make something of myself. Finally start working on my writing on a regular basis, say. And sell it, and get rich and famous, and start having exactly the kind of life I've always dreamed of. Except that I'll never ever ever get the girl, but whatever. When I'm rich I'll always be able to afford plenty of alcohol to deal with all of the problems in life that can't possibly be fixed no matter what I do. So that's something. Inevitably, of course, I won't even do what little is in my power, because I am a procrastinator and a defeatist and a pessimist. I will always be an idealist, but... while I was born something of an optimist, life has over the years beaten me into a big-time pessimist. Even the possible seems so painfully unlikely as to be futile, which turns into a self-fulfilling thing. I think I can't, so I don't. But now and then I will try. And lose momentum fairly quickly, but... who knows. *sigh* Maybe someday I'll actually get something done. Something that gets my life into shape. Meanwhile, I'll live vicariously through TV and movies and books and things. That's what they're there for. To inspire me to do great things? Sure, but inspiration is short-lived. But the vicarious enjoyment of fictional people's lives? Hell, kid, that's the stuff that makes life bearable, if not actually worth living. And that'll have to be enough. For now.